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Don't let your limitations define your life

There's something to be said for knowing your limitations. For example, you can't jump off an eight story building and expect you'll be fine. You can't run full speed into a solid surface and expect to keep right on going unharmed. You can't drink battery acid and expect to just get on with your day. These things are hard stops, universally speaking. That said, anything short of trying to break the laws of nature is up for grabs, in a manner of speaking. The question isn't should you try to exceed your limitations, but rarther what are you willing to do in spite of them?

There isn't a talent agency in the world, nor a porn production company or an independent performer who would seek me out to shoot a porn for or with them. None - and, frankly for solid reasons that are easy to understand immediately when you look at me. I don't shoot my own porn because I love spending 100s of thousands of dollars from my own pocket just to vainly see myself in a video. I do it because there's no one, alive, anywhere who would let me do it for them. I'm not sure if the cancer had never happened whether I'd still have decided to push forward and make porn. But, the cancer DID happen. I lived, and now I DO make porn. But, there are some limits.

I'm over weight. Not for laziness, and no, I don't eat a pint of ice cream a day. I'm not sure why my body won't let go of body fat, but it doesn't. I've trained martial arts for years, weight trained with professional coaches and I eat pretty well most of the time. People are biologically different and there are extremes on both ends and a myriad in the middle. I'm somewhere toward the side that's not genetically gifted. Speaking of gifted, I was NOT gifted with endowment either - rather important for porn. Basically, I have a small cock, I'm not tall, my parents passed down to me an endomorphic body type, poor flexibility, joint problems, a receding hairline and average looks. Winning an AVN award is simply not in my future.

Obviously, I've been ridiculed. I've been called a fat fuck, a mutherfucker, cock sucker, piece of shit, worthless scumbag pornographer, degenerate and asshole. I've been accused of luring girls with "false ads" about porn, then fucking them because that's the only way I could get laid. I've been accused of just trying to fuck pornstars so I could tell people I did it, and for creating a membership website and shooting a bunch of scenes just to trick my way into the industry. What's interesting to note, however, is none of those accusations ever came from any of the models or crew I've worked with, but it still sucked.

With all that (and more), I still do it. The porn I make isn't Brazzers porn, and never will be. But, not everyone is looking for Brazzers porn. If they are they can go to Brazzers, of course. When we make porn, we try to have as much fun as possible. It has to be sexy, but there's no reason it can't be funny too. I don't know how many members have watched the dialogue parts to our scenes and if they laughed, but I know we sure did making the scenes. Fortunately the sexy part is taken care of by the girls. There's not an industry here with studios, agents and 100s of babes ready to shoot, but we've been pretty lucky all around finding some pretty hot girls to shoot with.

The reason I'm talking about all this is to simply say, don't let your life go by without tossing your limitations out the window now and again, and doing something you didn't think you could do. I'm not grateful I contracted cancer, but I'm very grateful to live in Canada with universal healthcare, and to still be alive, period. And, I'm very grateful that I decided to live this part of my life, well past my limitations.

Every day, I open my website in my browser - mainly to make sure the site isn't offline or some other issue - and occasionally I just look at the site and remember that it exists because I challenged my limitations, and decided not to sit life out on the sidelines. I'm pretty proud of the brand we've built, with all it's faults. If I had to take my chips off the table tomorrow, I wouldn't feel like I didn't play my best. Don't let you limitations define your life. Run, if that's your passion. Never mind you're not the fastest. Just don't sit on the couch, wishing you had run. Stand up, put the shoes on and take the risk. Life's too short not to.

January 13, 2019

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