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Making Porn: Just because there’s sex, doesn’t make it sexy

There’s porn I love, porn I’m indifferent to, and porn I hate. Let’s talk about that last one. I should first qualify, that the following article as simply my opinion, but a learned one. I take it as certain that things I do like, you might not, and things I don't, you do. Accept, however, the principles, not the prescription. Anyway - back to the porn I hate. In some cases, I might hate a scene because I hate the people in it. Rare, but it happens. Otherwise, I just hate the content type, or think it’s too played. But, I REALLY hate porn that violates the perimeter of my enjoyment as a viewer. Okay, I realize that’s impossible to qualify, and specific to me, but the idea’s what I’m talking about. Here are a few things that “trigger” me into a porn rage.

Dude who won’t shut up and let the girl do her thing.

Shitty camera angles that block the action.

Non-flattering lighting.

No lighting, for that matter.

Lights and cables in the background.

Tripod shots during sex scenes.

Actors making moaning noises when they’re just changing positions.

Actors looking bored or like they’re not enjoying themselves during the sex.

Self-important porn, trying to be something bigger than it is.

Not an extensive list, and not complete, but you get the idea. I should also mention that there’s plenty of porn producers who make the following argument: “Well, there are actually a lot of people who like that really amateur look and feel.” I have to take their word for it, but I accept the idea. To that point, I also have to add that my early porn pretty much violated every rule I mentioned in my rant above - that old saying: when I point one finger at them, I point 4 fingers back at me. It’s true. My early stuff sucked balls. Not in a sexy way. By accident, I got some good looking footage now and again, and by luck, I managed to find some cute girls, but ultimately it could have been so much better if I knew then what I know now. Live, (do) and learn.

So, if you’re new to the porn game, here are 10 things to think about as you start crafting your content.

#1 - Think about aesthetics. Assuming you have a sense of aesthetics and know what looks good. Not everyone has that skill built-in.

#2 - If you don’t have that skill, find a camera crew/person that does.

#3 - Sound, sound, sound. For gad’s-friggin-sake, record good audio. It’s almost more important (read: it is more important) than your camera work, by a long shot.

#4 - Speaking of camera work, it’s important too, so don’t mess that up. See point #2.

#5 - Lights, lights, lights. Spend a few dollars on some good day-light-balanced lights so you can mix them with natural light. Mixed causes all sorts of problems in post. Which reminds me…

#6 - Learn post production, or find a good editor. But, if you can’t afford an editor…

#7 - learn about white balance, and make sure your footage has white whites, so you and your actors don’t look like they have jaundice or food poisoning.

#8 - Plan your shoots well.

#9 - Write a script if there’s dialogue. It kills the fun if people are struggling with what to say.

#10 - Have fun. Only shoot with models/actors who are willing to have fun. It will show up in your footage and make the scene Hot, or Not.

June 5, 2018

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