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NSFW: What I've learned about sex from having many random partners

I've said this in other posts, and I think it's worth repeating here for context - I'm not "good with women". Well, that's actually not true... I am. To state it more accurately, I'm not good at the meeting women and getting them interested, part. That's a pretty critical piece of the social puzzle when you want to have someone in your life for more than a weekend. The quick version of the story is that I grew up with no male influences. An awol father who left when I was very young and brothers who moved out when I was just old enough to want brothers in my life. After that I was raised by my mom, and we moved every year until I was 14 or 15, so I had no normal, healthy social interactions with people my own age until I was an adult. Fortunately, I'm smart and self-aware, and over the years I was able to correct my social problems but never with dating. That remained something out of my experience and does to this day. I've never dated or had a serious relationship with anyone. Well, I was married once to a girl from my church - right, I didn't mention the crazy religious family... uh, okay, let's skip that HUGE kettle of fish. Me -> atheist. Them -> fanatics. You can see the problems already. I digress. The point is, I came at sexuality (pun slightly intended) from an odd angle.

When cancer hit, I had already been divorced from my crazy religious wife and had no relationships since then and to this very day. It's a strange aspect of my life, but one I've just had to make piece with. Turns out you CAN use your intellect to manage your lack of social experience, but it's far more difficult to use your intellect to "think your way" through dating. Different beast. I had (and continue to have) needs like everyone else, so obviously escorts and massage parlours were the way to handle that. What's interesting to note is that I learned a whole different set of sexual social behaviours - how to interact with a woman I don't know, but am about to fuck.

I don't believe in the divine notion that things happen for a reason. Things happen and have causes and affects but not a larger, divine purpose. So, cancer put me on this path of being a porn producer, and my life in an anti-sexual-social bubble in some strange way, prepared me for being a porn producer and having my sex life on camera.

Okay... I get that my set up, so far, likely isn't convincing you that I have much to say about sex that you can relate to. And, it's also fair to say, that you might be correct. I might just THINK this information is useful or interesting or relevant to you. I will simply submit that I think I might have some insights that might be relevant some of the time. Let's start with that, and see if the rest of this makes sense.

Expectations

When we shoot a scene now, most of the time (unless a model returns for another scene), I'm introducing myself to a girl I don't know, who's much younger, who would never seek me out off-set, but is about to fuck me anyway. Say what you will about how that sounds, but it definitely is an interesting situation each time. Here's what usually happens: we meet, say hello, sit for 10/15 minutes to talk about life and get to know one another a little. Well, until the documents are signed and the makeup girl is ready for her. During that time, we almost never discuss sex, and the interesting thing about that is there's no expectations of sex. We're having sex, for sure, and it's been agreed to already. That takes all the pressure off - well, d'uh - and when there's no pressure, you see the other person differently. She isn't a girl I have to convince to have sex with me - she already agreed. That makes everything more enjoyable. She's happy becuse I care about her experience, and only expect her to have fun with it. She's being paid well, and that helps, but money and sex are already so closely tied together in most people's lives, in some way.

Communication

Now that we've been social, it's time to talk about the fucking. We just have to decide how that will play out. But, in that discussion, regardless how brief, something very cool happens. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: So, what do you enjoy? How do you like to get fucked.

Her: Well, I usually like <and she explains what that is>. So, if you want to fuck me hard in the scene, that's totally fine. Just don't pull my hair. I don't like that.

Me: No problem. Cumshot on the face is okay?

Her: Yeah, totally. How do you want the blowjob?

Me: If you're sucking cock and you think to yourself, "Is this too messy?" it's likely not messy enough. Make it slow, sloppy and look at the camera sexy now and again.

Her: Cool. Okay, what about...

And it goes on like that. It may sound odd, or clinical in some way but that's just because it is. Here's the interesting part: now we know what each other likes, assuming she's been honest, and so have I. Now we know what will make each other cum. That's good information to have.

Reaction

When we're shooting a scene, with no pressure and with a good handle on what each other likes, we're free to perform the scene. Yes, we have to be mindful of the camera and a few other things, but the acts of sex are still pleasurable. I let her know what part of the action I'm enjoying, and hopefully she does the same. We have a policy about the scenes, and it goes like this: No fake reactions. If you are enjoying something, you can exaggerate your enjoyment for the camera, but don't fake it. It's not sexy and the camera will catch that. So, as much as possible, and if we're both honest, we know what the other person is enjoying. If I'm going down on her and I do something that makes her twitch, make a little gasp or full on moan and writhe, I do my best to do more of that thing. She does the same. If we've both had fun, it shows on our faces (especially hers) when the scene is over.

So, basically, not feeling pressured to have sex, an open dialogue about the rules - what's okay and what isn't - and especially about what you both like are beneficial to good sex. And, once you're there, focusing your attention on the other person's enjoyment over your own is a pretty solid strategy for having really enjoyable sex that you'll be satisfied with, and not feel like you didn't get what you wanted from it.

When I think about this topic, model Jade comes to mind. She's not the most attractive girl on the site - though that ass is pretty spectacular - but she and I had these types of conversations before the scenes she shot, like this one. Enjoy.

January 24, 2019

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